Final Impact - Impact Wrestling recap for January 31, 2013

Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) show up in kilts and blue facepaint. They pay tribute to the "real, true warriors of the United Kingdom," the Scots before bashing England and Jeff Hardy's fate at the hands of Aces and Eights last week. Since this is in Manchester, United Kingdom, the crowd boos them like no tomorrow. So imagine the crowd marking out when Magnus returns to Impact Wrestling for the first time in two months. After telling Daniels he didn't win the World title last week because Hardy beat him down like he owed him money and insulting him some more, he issues a challenge to Bad Influence. They accept - and attack - by Magnus cleans house. Magnus then mentions Aces and Eights, then - because it's Open Fight Night as well as the first time the event has been in the UK - he calls out Devon.

Aces and Eights interferes, but Magnus clocks both D.O.C. and Mike Knox before they can do anything, and Magnus beats Devon by disqualification.

Sting tells Bully Ray that Hulk Hogan will be here tonight!

Joseph Park is here and glad to be in England. Robbie E and Robbie T show up before he makes his decision, and E makes fun of both the fans as well as Park himself for his lawyer background before wiping his butt with Park's notebook. He then issues a challenge to Park. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Joseph Park beats Robbie E in his first non-PPV match.

Hulk Hogan is here!

Bobby Roode and Austin Aries are here. They plan to get all of the titles in TNA one-by-one, starting with the TNA World Tag Team Championships. As Roode makes fun of the British fans, Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez show up. Since Austin and Roode want a fight and the titles...why not fight? The challenge is accepted, and if Austin Aries or Bobby Roode beats one of the tag champs, they get a shot at the tag team titles. It's Austin Aries versus Chavo Guerrero!

Bobby Roode interferes, and it works as Hernandez unintentionally distracts the ref long enough for Roode to aid Austin Aries. Austin Aries beats Chavo Guerrero, and he and Bobby Roode get a shot at the tag team titles.

Bully Ray finds out Hulk Hogan is here.

Bully Ray comes to the ring with Brooke Hogan. Tazz knows what Bully Ray said about him, and reminds of his "you can't touch me" stipulation in his contract. Bully Ray wants to be reinstated, and gets the crowd to chant for Sting. Sting shows up, knows he can't do anything...but the fans can. He gets them to chant for Hulk Hogan, and Hogan shows up. At the end of the day, Hogan does the right thing and reinstates Bully. He then puts Sting and Bully in a tag team tables match with two members of Aces and Eights...next week!

TNA President Dixie Carter announces that starting March 14, Impact Wrestling will be live...permanently!

Velvet Sky shows up, and calls out Tara and Jesse. They show up. It's not going to be a handicap match, though, as Velvet has a partner of her own: "The Cowboy" James Storm!

Velvet Sky and "The Cowboy" James Storm beat Tara and Jesse.

Hulk Hogan now thinks a little better of Bully Ray.

Mr. Anderson is ready for his fight against Kurt Angle in a steel cage tonight...and he promises Angle won't leave in one piece.

Meanwhile, Samoa Joe has been attacked...but by whom? Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff get him some medical help.

Kurt Angle beats Mr. Anderson in a steel cage match with the Ankle Lock Submission. After the match, a member of Aces and Eights climbs into the steel cage. Kurt Angle - and Wes Brisco, who was outside of the cage during the match, confront the masked man only for the masked man to unmask. It's Garrett Bischoff. Kurt and Wes go after him, but Wes tackles Kurt by the leg and then removes some of his clothing to reveal that he too is part of Aces and Eights. Wes and Garrett then attack their former father figure inside the steel cage.

Wednesday Night Main Event - Main Event recap for January 30, 2013

The show starts with The Miz...and Miz TV! He introduces Ryback, who shows up, grabs a microphone and tells Miz he's a fan of the show despite destroying the entire set last time. They joke around a bit, then mention Ryback is taking on Antonio Cesaro. After a recap of their match last week, Ryback says that Cesaro won't be as lucky this week. Cesaro shows up and starts generalizing Americans, saying they're all the same while calling Miz and Ryback "typical, conniving Americans." Ryback tells Cesaro "If you're going to run this week, you'd better start now." Their match then starts.

Antonio Cesaro manages to escape Ryback...and roundhouse kicks The Miz in the face before escaping through the crowd. Ryback beats Antonio Cesaro by count-out.

The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O'Neil) make fun of Tensai for his dancing on Raw earlier this week, while Brodus Clay tells him "it was just a joke." Tensai doesn't find it funny, however...

As Tensai fights Titus O'Neil, O'Neil's partner Darren Young gets involved and beats Tensai down as well. Brodus Clay runs to the rescue.

With encouragement from Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls, Tensai beats Titus O'Neil. Tensai then joins in the dancing fun after the match.

Wondering why there was no Intercontinental Cup action tonight? Here's why.

Raw Deal - Raw recap for January 28, 2013

Raw Deal

RAW Roulette Edition

Hello again, and welcome to another edition of Raw Deal!

This time around, the road to WrestleMania has begun! The Royal Rumble has just ended, but it's just the start of a new beginning for a few WWE Superstars! Read on!

Vickie Guerrero introduces the three wheels that will be spun for tonight - the stipulation wheel, the Superstar wheel and the Vickie Guerrero Challenge wheel! The first match is Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton, with the stipulation being a special guest referee. It's all part of Raw Roulette, which took place in Las Vegas, Nevada...America's gambling capital!

An infuriated CM Punk comes to the rings and takes his anger out on both the cameraman and Justin Roberts before saying he was screwed and that he's still the WWE Champion. Vince McMahon shows up and becomes the target of Punk's venom, but Vince has video proof that Paul Heyman has orchestrated something with The Shield, thanks to a mystery source. Paul Heyman is going to have a "performance review," and he just might be fired before show's end...

Randy Orton and Antonio Cesaro's special guest referee for their fight is...The Miz! Cesaro is ticked!

Antonio Cesaro argues with The Miz...and it costs him. Randy Orton beats Antonio Cesaro. Miz helps Cesaro up only to eat a Skull Crushing Finale.

Ryback has to make people laugh in his match. Hmmm...

Ryback's opponents? The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O'Neil). They end up being the joke after Ryback beats them down. Matt Striker, who got out of the way for this, declares Ryback the winner only to be Shell Shocked by Ryback.

Wade Barrett choose his own victim due to the Player's Choice stipulation. Not surprisingly, he chooses NXT talent Bo Dallas, who eliminated Barrett at the Royal Rumble match last night.

Bo Dallas turns Wade Barrett's Bull Hammer into a powerslam and gets the win against Barrett in an impressive debut.

Cody Rhodes gets John Cena for his opponent.

Cody Rhodes grabs a mic, calls the match a waste of his time and leaves only for John Cena to drag him back in and get the win.

John Cena is on the mic after the match. He weighs the options, talks about his match with The Rock at WrestleMania 28 last year, weighs his options again, and makes his decision right here...right now: The Rock. He calls Rock and CM Punk marked men, but The Shield show up and beat him down. Sheamus and Ryback show up seperately, but The Shield still has the upper hand and puts Cena in a triple powerbomb before leaving.

It's a lingerie pillow fight for...Brodus Clay and Tensai? Even Vickie Guerrero thinks it's a bad idea, and after Tensai leaves Brodus Clay spins the Vickie Guerrero Challenge wheel. It becomes a dance-off!

Tensai missed the memo, and wears a slip under a robe, and disrobes before the dance-off. Jerry "The King" Lawler has to coax Tensai into dancing with the "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" line, and Ron Simmons can't believe what he's seeing.

Alberto Del Rio gets the Body Slam Challenge...and he gets Big Show, too.

Big Show drags Alberto Del Rio to the ropes and duct tapes one of his wrists to the ropes. Ricardo Rodriguez then gets a beatdown. Del Rio tries to break free, but Big Show wraps more duct tape around his wrist, knocks out Ricardo and tortures Del Rio some more before knocking out Del Rio and walking away.

The Las Vegas Showgirls Lumberjills match between Kaitlyn and Tamina Snuka ends when the lumberjills go at each other.

The Rock comes to the ring and celebrates by thanking the fans. He declares an end to CM Punk's championship reign and makes fun of Punk and Paul Heyman. After declaring that everyone will get pie (tee-hee), Punk shows up. He bashes the fans, brags about his own reign and asks for the title back and an apology. Rock tells him to come and get it. Punk walks down the ramp, stares at Rock, contemplates his options and walks back up the ramp. Punk says he'll do it on his own terms, and he'll grant Rock a rematch in three weeks at Elimination Chamber. The Rock accepts his challenge all too readily.

Damien Sandow is not pleased that his match against Sheamus is a Tables match...

Sheamus plows Damien Sandow through a table, winning the Tables match.

Zack Ryder and The Great Khali (with Natalya and Hornswoggle) participate in a karaoke challenge. After Khali sings Shawn Michaels's theme, 3MB (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal) crash the party just to show off. #MB get demolished, not surprisingly. Then, our karaoke participants and their friends celebrate.

Chris Jericho is here tonight!

Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring. It's his first Raw in almost six months, and he's happy to be back. He thanks the fans, then Dolph Ziggler shows up with AJ and Big E Langston. Ziggler tells Jericho to get out while AJ brags about getting Jericho terminated, and Jericho calls AJ "crazy." Big E grabs the mic and tells Jericho to get out only to be the butt of some more jokes. Vickie Guerrero shows up on the TitanTron, reveals she re-signed Jericho to WWE, and spins the stipulation wheel. It lands on the Strange Bedfellows stipulation. Instead of fighting each other, Ziggler and Jericho have to tag team together to face Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane)!

Kane and Daniel Bryan argue, and Chris Jericho takes advantage by...letting Dolph Ziggler get the hot tag. Too bad Jericho slaps Kane in the back, slips away and leaves Ziggler high and dry and the victim of a choke slam. Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan) beat Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler.

Trish Stratus is inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame. Now go read this Wikipedia article if for some strange reason you've never heard of her.

Booker T has an announcement concering the World Heavyweight Championship on SmackDown this Friday.

Vince McMahon shows up, tells us that CM Punk has been escorted out of the building, then calls out Paul Heyman. Heyman enters he ring. They shake hands, then gives Paul Heyman the micand washes his hands with more hand sanitizer than necessary. Paul Heyman says he has nothing to do with Brad Maddox and The Shield. When Vine asks if he's lied, Paul Heyman says yes, as he is a promoter and that's what promoters do. He's not a saint, but he's trying to be an honorable man (when Vince asks about that point, that's what he says, anyway). We then see video footage of Heyman with Brad Maddox. He basically paid the Shield and had Brad Maddox in it, but Brad Maddox didn't want to do it at first and was beaten up by The Shield as a result. Heyman says that wasn't him, and that it was an impersonator. Vince fires him anyway, but Brock Lesnar shows up out of the blue at the last minute. He continuously tells Paul Heyman to back off, as Vince tells Lesnar not to do something he'll regret later on. Lesnar then puts Vince in the F-5, and Paul tells him to stop before Lesnar walks away.

What an ending...but what happens next? Find out next week...on Monday Night Raw!

In the meantime, we still have that announcement from Booker T, as well as the Intercontinental Cup on Main Event! Tune in throughout the week for news on these events!

Royal Rumble 2013 - The Results

Royal Rumble

Josh Matthews interviews Big Show. He's not happy, and he threatens to take back the World title when all is said and done.

Antonio Cesaro retains the WWE United States Championship against The Miz.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez meet Bret "The Hit Man" Hart, who wishes them luck. Ricardo even gets a pair of purple shades!

Alberto Del Rio retains the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against Big Show after Ricardo wraps duct tape around the lower rope and one of Big Show's legs to keep him from getting up.

Matt Striker interviews Dolph Ziggler, AJ and Big E Langston. Ziggler chooses the #1 entry, because that's what he is. When Striker doubts "her Ziggy," AJ asks him how fast and how far he can run in five seconds, and Big E takes the microphone from him, causing Striker to flee. Big E then (hilariously) interviews Ziggler, who has plans to cash in the briefcase, win the World title, win the Rumble and become Undisputed Champion at WrestleMania.

Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane) retain the WWE Tag Team Championships against Team Rhodes Scholars (Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes) when D-Bry locks the No! Lock on Sandow.

Daniel Bryan and Kane celebrate when Vickie Guerrero hands them their entry numbers for the Royal Rumble. Daniel Bryan shows Kane his number, but Kane doesn't reciprocate on the fact that it's bad strategy and the fact that he may have a higher entry number.

Bo Dallas has recently won the NXT tournament to decide which NXT talent goes to the Rumble. Meanwhile, many of WWE's programs, such as B.A. Star, WrestleMania Reading Challenge and Royal Rumble Fan Fast take center stage in Phoenix.

Dolph Ziggler is on the mic. He says he'll stand in the ring as the victor, and he doesn't care who #2 is. He starts caring again after #2 is revealed to be Chris Jericho, whom Dolph Ziggler rid WWE of the night after SummerSlam. (Ziggler eventually eliminates him after almost 48 minutes.)

Goldust is #8. Cody Rhodes, who is ticked that his brother is in this, eventually eliminates him.

Rey Mysterio returns at the Rumble. He is eventually eliminated by Wade Barrett.

Kofi Kingston leaps onto Tensai and onto a commentary table to avoid being eliminated. He borrows JBL's chair at one of the tables to get back in the ring, only to get knocked back out permanently.

Bo Dallas from NXT enters at #16. He eliminates Wade Barrett, but Barrett runs back towards him and eliminates him.

The Godfather returns at #17. He gets eliminated as soon as he hits the apron, but he leaves just like he enters - dancing with two fine ladies.

The Miz fights with a still-departing Antonio Cesaro when he shows up. He does make it to the ring, thankfully.

Sin Cara also returns, at #29. He gets eliminated near the end.

#19 entrant John Cena wins the Royal Rumble, eliminating #30 entrant Ryback to end the Royal Rumble match.

Dolph Ziggler

Cris Jericho

Cody Rhodes

Kofi Kingston

Santino Marella

Drew McIntyre

Titus O'Neil

Goldust

David Otunga

Heath Slater

Sheamus

Tensai

Brodus Clay

Rey Mysterio

Darren Young

Bo Dallas

The Godfather

Wade Barrett

John Cena

Damien Sandow

Daniel Bryan

Antonio Cesaro

The Great Khali

Kane

Zack Ryder

Randy Orton

Jinder Mahal

The Miz

Sin Cara

Ryback

Josh Mathews interviews The Rock. The Rock gives an impressive speech involving dealing with adversity, and tells the crowd they count...and that he'll come out on top!

As CM Punk fights The Rock, the arena goes dark and The Shield triple-powerbomb Rock through the commentary table. (We don't really see them, though, so we can't tell it's them.) CM Punk retains the WWE Championship against The Rock after dragging him back to the ring and pinning him. Vince McMahon shows up and almost strips him of the WWE Championship, but The Rock grabs a microphone and cuts Vince off. He tells Vince that the show isn't going to go out like this, and tells Vince to restart the match. Mr. McMahon stands there for a few seconds, then makes it so.

The Rock wins in the restarted match, beating CM Punk to become the new WWE Champion and end Punk's 434-day reign. After ten long years, The Rock is king of the mountain in what is his 8th WWE Championship reign.

Saturday Morning Slam Masters - Saturday Morning Slam recap for January 26, 2013

Saturday Morning Slam Masters

Welcome to the Saturday Morning Slam segment of the blog, where I condense 30 minutes into 30 seconds. Hey, somebody has to.

Daniel Bryan guests on commentary this week.

The Miz tells us...Don't Try This.

The Miz beats Darren Young.

This week's Saturday Morning Spotlight: Kofi Kingston!

Kofi Kingston beats Epico.

Next week: Zack Ryder takes on his old nemesis Dolph Ziggler! Ziggler shows up with AJ and Big E Langston in tow, and he and Ryder exchange words. When Ryder says "Are you crazy?", AJ takes offense, which gets Big E riled up. Dolph Ziggler pushes them aside and says he has this...next week.

...

I know, I know, that wasn't much of a recap. It's meant for the kids as well as anyone who doesn't follow the storylines as the storylines aren't mentioned, and it's only 30 minutes long. It is what it is.

Now go and watch the JBL and Cole Show!

Layin' da SmackDown - SmackDown recap for January 25, 2013

Layin' da SmackDown!

Welcome to Layin' da SmackDown, the SmackDown recap of the wrestling blog! What action happens out of the greatest two-hour wrestling show on TV today? Find out here!

Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane) enter the ring. they have not gone soft. Also, Kane will win the Royal Rumble despite losing all 13 he's been in. He and D-Bry argue over who will win when Big Show enters the ring. He mocks them and says their plans should involve retiring, and calls Alberto Del Rio a "cockroach" before saying he'll squish him Sunday. He also threatens to squish Team Hell No if they don't leave the ring. Team Hell No won't budge, and Team Rhodes Scholars (Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes) show up. They assure they will be the new WWE Tag Team Champions...then they propose an alliance with Big Show as they'll all be champions by next week. Before they can decimate Team Hell No post-haste, Alberto Del Rio shows up and evens the odds as he argues with Big Show. Booker T shows up and stop sit before it can go anywhere. Team Hell No and Alberto Del Rio will take on Team Rhodes Scholars and Big Show in a six-man elimination tag match tonight. Team Rhodes Scholars flees immediately, while Big Show walks away after taking on both his opponents and Ricardo Rodriguez.

Sheamus beats Wade Barrett.

Primo and Epico, The Great Khali and Hornswoggle all join in on commentary. The Great Khali confirms he'll be in the Royal Rumble.

Natalya beats Rosa Mendes with the Sharpshooter after Hornswoggle makes fun of Rosa's dancing.

CM Punk shows up with Paul Heyman. After gloating about how good he is, he mentions The Shield. Paul Heyman reads a letter by Vince McMahon stating CM Punk will be stripped of the WWE Championship if The Shield interferes Sunday. He's fixing this problem by calling out The Shield, then grabbing a chair and sitting down to wait uunitl they arrive. He doesn't even get a chance to sit down when The Shield's music and the three men - Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns - enter the ring from the audience. Punk tells them he's never asked them for anything, and his losing the WWE title would be a great injustice if they interfered. He's the best in the world. He'll do it himself, and if they stand for justice, then they'll never cross paths again. The Shield leave. CM Punk says "That's how a champ takes care of business!" then says he'll beat The Rock and calls the crowd "inferior." When Punk says he's the greatest of all time, The Rock shows up. The Rock calls Punk a liar who works for The Shield, and that he'll win Sunday.

Randy Orton beats Drew McIntyre by disqualification after Jinder Mahal. Jinder, Drew and Heath Slater all get RKO'd as a result.

Antonio Cesaro guests on commentary for the next match.

The Miz beats Darren Young with the Figure Four Leglock. Miz and Antonio Cesaro stare each other down after the match.

Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane) and Alberto Del Rio beat Team Rhodes Scholars (Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes) and Big Show after Del Rio eliminates Big Show by count-out and makes quick work of Rhodes. Big Show then attacks Del Rio after the match, and topples the commentary table over Del Rio, much like Del Rio did to him two weeks ago. Big Show counts to ten in both English and Spanish before workers have to move the table off of Del Rio.

PrinceWatercress's predictions for Royal Rumble 2013

Go ahead and post your comments for how Royal Rumble is going to go down...because here's mine.

Royal Rumble

Before I say anything, here's what we know.

Dolph Ziggler is forced to pick between entry numbers #1 and #2. Despite the fact that this will be a long, hard road for him, it's not going to be impossible - four people have won after going first and lasting the full hour and change. If he doesn't, well...he's still got the Money In The Bank briefcase which is good until July.

Sheamus won it last year, but that doesn't mean he'll win it this year. Either way, people still want to see him with the World title, so I pick him as one of the people to possibly win it.

Ryback has been screwed out of the WWE Championship by The Shield three times, and people want to see him win it, too. So do I.

If Antonio Cesaro, Wade Barrett or The Miz win the event, they'd be able to benefit from winning a major title. We all know Wade Barrett was in the running for the World title the same time last year before he was taken out by injury. Still, he has a lot riding on the recent progress of the Barrett Barrage. Cesaro gets better and better every week as he becomes seemingly indestructible. As for The Miz...he's already well decorated, but another major title reign wouldn't hurt, especially since he's turned face a couple months ago after spending his short, six-year-plus career as a heel.

You could make a case for Kane or Daniel Bryan...but WWE's probably gonna be too busy pushing them as Team Hell No as they just keep getting more hilarious with the passage of time. We'll see.

As for John Cena...never say never. He's won it before, but he's also won a lot of matches throughout his career, but so has Sheamus and Randy Orton.

With that being said:

Probably: John Cena, Randy Orton, Sheamus, Dolph Ziggler, Antonio Cesaro, The Miz, Ryback

Maybe: Kane, Daniel Bryan

Forget it: Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Titus O'Neil, Darren Young

Personal Pick: Ryback. As much as I can picture John Cena winning this and chalking up another major victory for the Cenation, this could very well be Ryback's year. All he needs to do is have a clear shot at Punk or whomever is WWE Champion at the time, and 2013 is all his.

CM Punk vs. The Rock for the WWE Championship

CM Punk is probably going to retain again...somehow. He'll most likely do it clean too or with enough cunning to keep the referee from noticing anything funny is going on. The Rock is still busy shooting movies and he's got another one in the can for 2014 (that Hercules movie), so we all know who's going to win here.

Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in a Last Man Standing Match

This one's a bit of a brainteaser here. I think it'll ultimately end up back in Del Rio's arms here, since the World Heavyweight Champion finally helped Del Rio get over as a face. No use trying to undo all that.

Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars for the WWE Tag Team Championships

I like both teams. I really, really do. But I think Team Hell No will be able to keep the tag titles a while longer here.

 Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz for the WWE United States Championship (pre-show)

Here's what we know: this is probably going to be the best pre-show since SummerSlam. What we don't know is who's going to win.

As much as I'd like to see Antonio Cesaro win, seeing The Miz win it would be even better. Winning this title is, to me, the only thing that would really complete his face turn.

Final Impact - Impact Wrestling recap for January 24, 2013

Final Impact

Hello, and welcome to Final Impact, that part of the blog where we mention everything that is either TNA, free TV, or a combination of both. Actually...it's a combination of both.

After last week's show, Bully Ray and Hulk Hogan had to be helped out of the ring.

Tazz leads Aces and Eights into the ring, and explains why he joined Aces and Eights: he wants to be part of a machine as well as a higher power. He also has an iron-clad contract of sorts where TNA is basically screwed if anyone lays a hand on him, then calls Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray "collateral damage."

Jesse motivates Tara with a Velvet Sky action figure. Long story short: we're good, she isn't.

Kazarian is now Christopher Daniels's official manager, while Daniels has his hopes high for his World title match against Jeff Hardy tonight.

Tazz is at commentary...and he's a heel. He says he was wronged by TNA, ut that's as far as he goes as to exactly why he joined Aces and Eights, as it's all "club business."

Tara retains the TNA Knockouts Championship against Velvet Sky thanks to Jesse's interference.

Sting approaches the ring...and he's not happy...

Kenny King and Zema Ion aren't seeing eye-to-eye, as Kenny want to do all the work in their tag team match.

Joseph Park enters the ring. He says his debut didn't go as planned, but he's glad to be part of the Impact roster. Next week is Open Fight Night (in the UK!), and he ponders who to pick for that night...which he'll win.

Kenny king and Zema Ion beat Christian York and Rob Van Dam. King argues with Ion because he got the win.

Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan are heading to the ring...

Samoa Joe, Kurt ANgle, Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco get together. Kurt Angle has something up his sleeve tonight...

Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan head to the ring. Bully asks where Tazz is, but Tazz left before the break to "take a phone call." Bully isn't thrilled, and he wants Tazz's hide. He calls out Tazz and labels him a coward for hurting not just him, but those around him, including his new wife Brooke. He tells Aces and Eights to sleep with one eye open because he's coming for them all, and asks Hulk Hogan to lift his suspension so he can do just that. Sting shows up and tries his best to convince the Hulkster to reinstate Bully.

Austin Aries and Bobby Roode decide who takes on Hernandez tonight. It doesn't go so well, even after Roode gets landed with the match.

Jeff Hardy tells Christopher Daneils that he'll show the world what Daniels is...and what Daniels isn't!

As Bobby Roode fights Hernandez, Austin Aries rushes in and argues with Bobby over...something. Chavo Guerrero goes after Aries, but Roode gets the jump on Hernandez and gets the win nevertheless. Roode and Aries then argues over "who did it." wut

Kurt Angle comes out to the ring and announces he's going after Mr. Anderson...and only Mr. Anderson...at Open Fight Night next week. He calls out Anderson, and Anderson shows up. Anderson toys with Kurt Angle before hitting Angle with a cheap shot. Kurt Angle gets him and chases him out, then tells him it'll be just them and no one else, for real...in a Steel Cage Match! Tazz, of all people, is livid.

Mr. Anderson is so ticked that he tells the women of Aces and Eights to shut up. Devon reassures him and asks him to loosen up.

Jeff Hardy retains the TNA World Heavyweight Championship against Christopher Daniels. Tazz then "interviews" Jeff Hardy...and by "interviews," it's really "distract Jeff Hardy while a member of Aces and Eights attacks Jeff Hardy's knee with a hammer."

Wednesday Night Main Event - Main Event recap for January 23, 2013

Wednesday Night Main Event

January 23, 2013

Hello, and welcome to another recap episode!

This time around, it'll be an episode of WWE Main Event! In one hour, we plug some holes in the never-ending plot of the WWE and make some new ones! Let's dig in!

We start the show off with the greatest brief infodump in Royal Rumble history...literally, as it involves the entire history of the Rumble.

Matt Striker asks Ryback how he's preparing for tonight...and he's preparing with another shot at Antonio Cesaro. Striker trikes to be funny, but the only jokes that Ryback likes are his own.

Antonio Cesaro defends his United States Championship against The Miz on Sunday at the Royal Rumble pre-show. Speaking of which, Antonio Cesaro makes a comedic jab at The Miz before making fun of Ryback...who promptly shows up when Cesaro is really getting started.

Antonio Cesaro almost runs away against Ryback, but The Miz jumps out of his commentary seat and tosses him back into the ring...and towards Ryback! Cesaro gets away anyway, and Ryback wins by count-out.

Matt Striker interviews The Big Show, who doesn't have to justify his actions. The locker room reeks of weakness, and he is the only one fit to wear the World title.

Team Rhodes Scholars (Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes) make fun of The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) and how awful the tag team divison supposedly is. When they win the Tag Team titles at Royal Rumble from Team Hell No, they will purge the tag division of "teams with limited potential."

Team Rhodes Scholars (Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes) beats The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso). During the match, The Usos make fun of Cody's mustache multiple times by putting one of their dreads above their mouth. Stay classy, Usos.

The Intercontinental Cup starts next week! For three weeks, six men fight, but only one will be #1 contender for Wade Barrett's Intercontinental Championship!

The first entry ever: Raw Deal - Raw recap for January 21, 2013

Raw Deal

Intro

Hello, and welcome to PrinceWatercress's Wrestling Roundup!

For this maiden entry, we'll look back on the last episode of Raw before the Royal Rumble. This one was full of surprises, from a Beat The Clock challenge to some strong promos by both The Rock and CM Punk. Here's what happened:

• The show starts with a tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (This episode aired on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, for any and all non-United States readers who happen upon this.)
  
  
  
  
• The madness begins with Raw Managing Supervisor Vickie Guerrero heading to the ring with Paul Heyman hanging off of her arm. Heyman is not only showing respect for Vickie, but also standing in solidarity with her after how The Rock insulted them during last week's Rock Concert. They show not only Rock's insults towards Heyman on the TitanTron, but also the ones aimed towards Vickie, and neither person enjoys their replayed segment.
  
• The Rock is here in San Jose, but he's been banned from entering the arena by Vickie Guerrero! We see The Rock on the TitanTron reasoning with the security guards as only The Rock can, telling them that nothing will stop him from entering. After he asks them to arrest CM Punk, Paul Heyman and Vickie Guerrero for comically bizarre reasons, we see that Heyman and Vickie are appalled, and Vickie takes a predictable comedic stab at The Rock.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• There is a Beat The Clock Challenge tonight. Whomever wins the challenge will be able to choose their entry number at the Royal Rumble this Sunday.
  
  
• Randy Orton beats Antonio Cesaro in a Beat The Clock Challenge match in 11:36 (11 minutes, 36 seconds).
  
  
  
  
• If you missed The Shield's message to Randy Orton, Team Hell No and Sheamus from SmackDown last Friday, it was aired again after this match.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• As Brad Maddox climbs the barricade and (briefly) guests on commentary to the chagrin of Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole, Big Show knocks out Zack Ryder in a matter of seconds, and pins him with his knee for the three counts. He then uses Zack Ryder as an example of what he's going to do to Alberto Del Rio in his World title rematch at Royal Rumble by placing his foot on Zack Ryder and counting to six before snapping at the fans for their "What?" remarks. The match between Alberto Del Rio and Big Show for the World Heavyweight Championship at Royal Rumble is another Last Man Standing match.
  
• As Paul Heyman talks on the phone, Brad Maddox annoys him again. Paul Heyman, admires him and says he was wrong about him, and they shake hands. Is Paul Heyman and CM Punk now in cahoots with Brad Maddox after all this time?
  
  
  
  
• Ryback immediately vanquishes 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre). Sunday is Ryback's first Royal Rumble match, which means he's officially in the 30-man contest.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• The Rock tries to coerce the security guards to let him in as only The Rock can. Vickie Guerrero tries to get them to arrest The Rock, but The Rock hasn't done anything to warrant an arrest. She tells them to arrest him before they get suspended (wait...what?), then Vickie tells Rock that if he apologizes for his comments last week, she'll lift the ban. The Rock tells her it ain't gonna happen, before getting at her again with his rapier wit. The Rock has an idea, and brings it to the security guards, one of which has a ticket to tonight's show...
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Next Monday, Raw takes place in Las Vegas for Raw Roulette.
  
• CM Punk enters the ring with Paul Heyman. Punk talks about how he will not allow anyone to take the WWE Championship away from him. The Rock is here to entertain...while Punk is here to hurt people. Punk chose honest arrogance, while The Rock chose...the people. Punk says The Rock will never be champion...and in six days the WWE Championship will still be around Punk's waist.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• AJ and Big E screw up The Miz's figure four leg lock, and Dolph Ziggler beats the clock by 40 seconds. 10:56 is the new time to beat.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Kane and Daniel Bryan graduate from the Shelby Academy for Anger Management. They get the cap and diploma...then they argue over who is valedictorian when the valedictorian gets to express their feelings. Dr. Shelby asks if a hug would make them feel better. It then turns into everyone in the arena hugging in what is probably one of the most hilarious Team Hell No segments yet.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Kaitlyn beats Alicia Fox.
  
  
  
  
• Paul Heyman has a skybox seat for CM Punk. It's for Paul Heyman's "Paul-Bomb" to The Rock...next!
  
• Paul Heyman is in the ring. CM Punk is in the skybox as Paul serves as Punk's "interpreter" who will "keep it simple" for the WWE Universe. He talks about how Vince McMahon is desperate and has made The Rock "the flavor of the month." He goes on to call The Rock "stupid." The Rock shows up...with a ticket he got from one of the security guards. He thanks the San Jose Police Department for the ticket, and when Paul Heyman talks back, The Rock tells him to get the hell out of the ring. Heyman backs out, and The Rock looks up at the skybox - and Punk - and tells him that he may be "Best In The World," but he won't be after Royal Rumble. Like MLK, everyone will say "Free at last!" when CM Punk's championship reign comes to anend. The arena then goes dark, and The Shield attack The Rock as the lights come back on, giving him the triple power bomb before leaving. Punk tells Room there's only room for one at the top...and that The Rock just isn't great enough...
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Dolph Ziggler, AJ and Big E Langston stop Sheamus from beating the clock against Wade Barrett, allowing Dolph Ziggler to pick which entry number he gets at the Royal Rumble match Sunday.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Dolph Ziggler boasts about his victory to Vickie Guerrero, but the joke's on him: according to Vickie, he can only pick between entry numbers #1 and #2.
  
  
  
  
• CM Punk and Paul Heyman meet Vince McMahon. If The Shield interferes in his match against The Rock for the WWE Championship at Royal Rumble, Punk will be stripped of the title.
  
• Alberto Del Rio beats Tensai. Del Rio tells Big Show that he'll be doing the ten count in Spanish. He leads the San Jose crowd to do just that, then Ricardo Rodriquez starts a "¡Sí!" chant.
  
  
  
  
• The second Class of 2013 inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame is Bob Backlund.
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
• John Cena comes to the ring. After interacting with a kid, a young girl and some young guy with a neckbeard while talking about Sunday, he talks about the Royal Rumble. Cena says he will win, then Sheamus shows up and makes the same claim. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O'Neil), Randy Orton, The Miz, Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane), Antonio Cesaro and 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, and Drew McIntyre) enter the ring doing the same, and a whole slew of other Superstars show up, culminating in a massive brawl that ends the show!
  
  
  
  

That's it for this entry! Tune in next time when I show off the results for WWE Main Event and make my predictions for Royal Rumble!

Saturday Morning Slam Masters - Saturday Morning Slam recap for January 19, 2013

SmackDown General Manager Booker T guests on commentary this week.

Natalya beats Alicia Fox with the Sharpshooter.

Sheamus is this week's Saturday Morning Spotlight.

Before the next match, Sheamus welcomes everyone to Saturday Morning Slam and talks about how he spent his Saturday mornings watching WWF Superstars with his grandmother and enjoying Superstars such as "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Bret "The Hit Man" Hart and "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels. Years later, he is now a WWE Superstars, and there is no greater feeling in the world. He then declares that he wants the World Heavyweight Championship back, and he wants to prove himself against the biggest, baddest, toughest Superstar the world has ever seen. Unfortunately, that Superstar wasn't available, so he brings out Michael McGillicutty.

Sheamus warns us: Don't Try This.

Sheamus beats Michael McGillicutty. During the match, Sheamus and McGillicutty hit the ropes on opposite sides of the ring, and Sheamus sneaks over to the commentary table for a sip of bottled water. This continues until the commercial break, when McGillicutty is finally winded. Sheamus checks on him and offers him some water, then is shocked when he sees Sheamus and shouts "Are you kidding me? This is supposed to be serious! I am a serious wrestler! This is a joke!" He then rolls out of the ring and tries to hide from Sheamus. Unfortunately for McGillicutty, Sheamus finds him and kicks him in the rear end. Later in the match, Sheamus gets McGillicutty in the airplane spin, and McGilicutty gets the referee in a schoolboy pin. McGillicutty thinks he has won after Sheamus makes the three-count, then Sheamus raises McGillicutty's hand before hitting him with White Noise for the win.

Natalya interviews The Miz. Next week, The Miz will face Darren Young. Miz says that The Prime Time Players (Titus O'Neil and Darren Young) remind him of himself when he started out in the WWE: young, hungry and entertaining. The Prime Time Players show up, and Titus blows the whistle on Miz. Titus calls foul on The Miz comparing himself to them, and Darren Young tells Miz he is played out. Titus tells Miz talk is cheap, but when The Prime Time Players talk, you can take it to the bank. Miz cuts the "millions of dollars" dance short and tells them to go to Las Vegas to bet on him taking Darren Young out. Miz leaves, then Darren Young tells Miz he is going to get done in next week.

Now go watch Sheamus' entrance video!

Wednesday Night Main Event - Main Event recap for January 16, 2013

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro ends with The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns) showing up. The Miz leaves the announce table and stands with Orton, and the two of them try to fight off The Shield only to get outnumbered and overpowered. Afterwards, Cesaro gets back in the ring and hits Miz with the Neutralizer.

Brad Maddox jumps over the barricade and guests on commentary for the next match (to Michael Cole's chagrin and with hilarious results).

The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) beat The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O'Neil).

Saturday Morning Slam Masters - Saturday Morning Slam recap for January 12, 2013

Before the next match, Damien Sandow tells the crowd that they are beyond comprehending his words, and that his lessons will be imparted via physical means as he dismantles his opponent.

SmackDown General Manager guests on commentary this week.

Kofi Kingston tells us: Don't be a bully, be a S.T.A.R. Show tolerance and respect.

Kaitlyn tells us: Don't Try This.

Randy Orton beats Damien Sandow.

Sheamus is this week's Saturday Morning Spotlight.

Sheamus is in action next week!

Now go watch Sheamus destroy Zack Ryder with one Brogue Kick!

Wednesday Night Main Event - Main Event recap for January 9, 2013

We get a special look at Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler.

Backstage, Matt Striker interviews Sheamus. He is not concerned about Dolph Ziggler taking the World Heavyweight Championship before he can get it back, for the Royal Rumble is weeks away and WrestleMania is months away and Ziggler will be keeping a hold on the Money In The Bank briefcase while he wins the title again. He says that Ziggler is a great WWE Superstar, but he is afraid to pull the trigger despite all the talent he has. Tonight, Ziggler can bring whoever he wants to the ring, as he has a Brogue Kick for everyone in his corner.

Backstage, Josh Mathews interviews Dolph Ziggler. Big E Langston scares Josh off before he can ask any more questions, and Ziggler and AJ Lee are impressed.

Sheamus beats Dolph Ziggler by count-out after Brogue Kicking Ziggler out of the ring. Sheamus considers getting Ziggler back in the ring, but at the count of nine, Sheamus gets back in the ring to beat the count. After the match, Big E gets on the apron - teasing a potential brawl with Sheamus - but drops back down to the floor and walks away.

Wade Barrett beats Zack Ryder.

Next week: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro!

Saturday Morning Slam Masters - Saturday Morning Slam recap for January 5, 2013

Natalya interviews Daniel Bryan and Kane backstage. Kane says they are the tag team champions, but Daniel Bryan wants to know who 3MB is, as he has never seen them play a single musical instrument. Kane unenthusiastically says that he is ecstatic to be on Saturday Morning Slam, and Daniel Bryan says he can never tell when Kane is kidding. When Daniel Bryan asks Kane if he didn't get enough sleep, Kane says he doesn't sleep, then Daniel Bryan says he is thrilled to be here and that he will be watching Kane backstage. When Daniel Bryan asks if Kane will do the same for him, Kane responds "maybe," and Daniel Bryan asks what else there is do on a Saturday morning. Kane says "the usual" - scaring people and creating havoc - then leaves.

SmackDown General Manager Booker T guests on commentary this week.

Kane beats Jinder Mahal. During the match, 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder, Drew McIntyre) try to execute the same strategy they implemented in Heath Slater's match against John Cena, but this time Daniel Bryan shows up and stops it. Slater, McIntyre and Daniel Bryan all get off the apron when told to by referee Scott Armstrong, then Kane hits the clothesline from the top rope for the win. Slater and McIntyre confront Daniel Bryan and Kane after the match, and Scott Armstrong has to keep both sides apart.

Daniel Bryan tells us: Don't Try This.

Daniel Bryan beats Heath Slater with the No! Lock.

Natalya interviews Damien Sandow backstage. Sandow says that he is usually a "post-meridian Superstar," but he will perform on Saturday Morning Slam in the ante-meridian to clean up the "rubbish" he has seen on Saturday morning, and says that anyone who owns a television set should be embarrassed by it. Therefore, he will be in the ring and bringing school to Saturday Morning. Randy Orton shows up and gives Sandow a spelling lesson: RKO. He tells Sandow he will see him in the ring next week.

Now go watch 3MB call out The Rolling Stones!

Wednesday Night Main Event - Main Event recap for January 2, 2013

It is announced that WWE doctor Michael Sampson has evaluated the surgically repaired knee of CM Punk to determine if Punk will be cleared to face Ryback in a TLC Match on next week's Raw, and that the results of that evaluation will be revealed later tonight.

We see a video package of Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro then shows up calls the video package of him from earlier "nothing" and "a bad music video put together in minutes to awful music" before comparing this to the state of American television. He asks where the nuance, the orchestra and the sophistication, then The Miz tells him to stop with the weekly sob story and leave America if he does not like it. Michel Cole then tells Cesaro that he has yet to beat a man like the opponent he has tonight: The Great Khali. We then see a video package for The Great Khali.

Backstage, Matt Striker is about to interview The Great Khali when Hornswoggle shows up and says that Antonio Cesaro can kiss the United States title goodbye. Natalya shows up and says that she believes in Khali, who reminds her of her uncle Bret "The Hit" Man Hart before asking a ton of questions. Khali tells them to stop and that they stress too much, then the three of them head to the ring while chanting "USA." Back in the ring, Antonio Cesaro takes in the "USA" by stating that he is United States Champion and that the USA is "The United States of Antonio."

Antonio Cesaro retains the WWE United States Championship against The Great Khali after managing to get Khali up for the Neutralizer. After the match, Matt Striker interviews Cesaro in the ring. Cesaro says this is not about him hating the United States of America; this is about him being superior to American fans, as America is the land of opportunity for him to grab whatever he wants and there is nothing anybody can do about it because the people are soft. He says that if "the pudgy little chipmunk" that is The Miz has a problem with that, then he can face him in the ring like a man. The Miz tells Cesaro to watch who he is talking to, or else his reign will end prematurely like his baldness. Cesaro says he has beaten a giant, and that The Miz only cares about his looks and that The Miz disgusts him. The Miz says that instead of making fun of him, he is going to educate him, as Cesaro doesn't know the first thing about USA and that there is not a land with tougher and more resilient people. He even goes on to say that even people who hate him agree with him, because Americans come together when "Eurotrash" like Cesaro show up to put the country down.

We hear from WWE doctor Michael Sampson, who announces that CM Punk is clear for competition on Raw.

Kofi Kingston guests on commentary for the next match. He calls Wade Barrett's championship win against a "one-time thing" and that he will beat him for the WWE Intercontinental Championship again on SmackDown. Wade Barrett shows up and takes offense to those comments, and Kofi says that while he respects him as a competitor, he made a mistake in that match that he will not make again, as the title is a part of him and he has to have it back, for the title means something when he holds it above his head. Barrett responds by saying that "mediocrity won" when Kofi held the title, and says that the title should be held by someone with a little more prestige who is a real fighter and not a "overhyped gymnast." Barrett says he comes from a long line of fighters, and says that Kofi will never get the title from him because of it. He then says he is so confident in his abilities that he will face anybody in a gauntlet match to prove that everyone falls to the Barrett Barrage.

Wade Barrett beats Yoshi Tatsu, JTG and Justin Gabriel, but loses to surprise gauntlet match entrant Kofi Kingston.

Next week: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler!