Anarchy Rulz 1999 - The Results

Stephen Prazak is trying to interview Masato Tanaka when "Judge" Jeff Jones shows up and complains about Tanaka being in the way of his parking spot, and that he does not care about Tanaka being the #1 contender for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. He then says he gets petitions in his courtroom everyday, and that there are plenty of guys in the United States that deserve a title shot over him. Tanaka pushes Jones into the back of his car and heads into the building. Jones says Tanaka did the crime and now he will pay the price, and that price he pays will be awesome.

Joey Styles and Cyrus the Virus introduce everyone to tonight's show. Cyrus shakes Styles' hand with a rubber glove over his, saying it is just a little protection before they have intellectual intercourse.

Lance Storm beats Jerry Lynn with a three-quarter nelson grapevine pin after Jerry Lynn can barely stand. During the match, Dawn Marie stops two pinfall attempts by Jerry Lynn, one by dropping a chair on referee John Finegan and the other by placing Storm's foot on the rope.

Before the next match, Simon Diamond says he has a problem. He says he does not suck (which starts "you suck dick", and that he needs a tag team partner. Tom Marquez, a graduate of the House of Hardcore, is sitting at the timekeeper's table, and Simon tells him to get in the ring. He then tells him to sit back down, as he didn't say "Simon says." Simon says no man wants to stand next to him or be his partner. All of a sudden, Jazz shows up. Simon says that he did not say "Simon says" and that she is a woman. Jazz says she is trying to prove herself, but Simon says all women have proven in the wrestling business is that they are worthless and are "T&A." He tells her to get her "flat-chested ghetto booty" and her "$1.99 weave" out of the ring. Jazz shoves Simon into the corner. Simon says "Simon says" and sics Tom Marquez on her. After a brief match, Tony DeVito gets involved, then Nova and Chris Chetti get in the ring and fight DeVito and Diamond. Shortly into the match, Chris Chetti injures his leg, then Road Kill, Danny Doring and Miss Congeniality show up and attack Nova and Jazz, the latter of whom get into the ring. Some men from the locker room get into the match try to stop Roadkill from hitting a top rope splash on Jazz, then they all fight each other. While this goes on, New Jack shows up with a trash can full of weapon and beats every single impromptu brawler up, and Rod Price gets a few staple gun shots to the forehead before taking a guitar shot tot the head.

Tajiri beats Little Guido and Super Crazy in an elimination three-way dance.

Steve Corino says everyone knows that he announced Friday that he would bring a mystery tag team to face Raven and "The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer for the ECW World Tag Team Championship tonight. He will be the first to say that it was going to be The Insane Clown Posse (Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope), but their manager said they wouldn't be there because they knew they were going to lose. That leaves him in a bad spot, as he always speaks the truth and delivers on a promise. Like the great man and mind that he is, he will give them a world tag team match, and says that he and Rhino will be facing Raven and Dreamer for the ECW tag team titles, and that the titles will be coming to them.

Smashing Pumpkins lead singer Billy Corgan is seen in the audience.

Before the next match, Justin Credible says everyone knows that Sabu has been reinstated to wrestle here tonight, but being an impact player, he and Jason always have something up their sleeves. Jason hands Justin a piece of paper, which happens to be a restraining order that prevents Sabu from even entering the building, much less getting in the ring, and tells ring announcer Bob Artis to declare him the winner of the match. Referee Jim Molineaux says the restraining order is legal and binding, but tonight, there is no law and order, this is Chicago, Illinois, and tonight, anarchy rules. He and Artis tell Justin Credible he will be facing Sabu, much to the anger of Justin Credible. Artis tries to make the announcement, but Justin smashes Artis in the head with his kendo stick. The lights go out, then come back on, and Sabu is in the ring. This starts the match.

Justin Credible beats Sabu with a Tombstone Piledriver into a steel chair.

Before the next match, Taz (who is greeted with boos and "Taz sucks dick" chants) notices Judge Jeff Jones and Mike Awesome being stopped by Paul E. Heyman and ECW security. He notices Paul E. Heyman, credits Heyman for pushing him, and tells him to let Jones and Awesome get in the ring so he can choke Awesome out. Awesome is still being stopped, but Taz tells Heyman to let him go so he can give him a bigger buy rate and bigger ratings. Heyman says he promoted Taz as the baddest motherfucker on the planet because he could take out anybody, and if he wants to defend the ECW World Heavyweight Championship against two men at once, he's got it.

Mike Awesome beats Taz and Masato Tanaka in a three-way dance to become the new ECW World Heavyweight Champion! During the match, Taz is the first man eliminated in mere minutes, and Paul E. Heyman are in the aisle with Paul E. Heyman to watch what is going on. Taz gracefully walks out of the ring and to the back. Awesome gets the win - and the World title - after powerbombing Tanaka through a table. After the match, Taz shows back up, takes the ECW World Heavyweight Championship from referee John Finegan, kisses itk, then personally hands the championship to Awesome before shaking hands with him and raising his hand in victory. The locker room thanks Taz, who wants the fans to chant for Awesome.

We see Raven near a playground swing set. He says that for two-and-a-half years, he and "The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer fought a battle of mystical proportions, a friendship based on love and a hatred based on friendship. Dreamer scarred his face and battered him unmercifully, and he took his girl. However, the one thing Dreamer could ever do was beat him, as he always pinned him. After he came to ECW to exorcise his demons two-and-a-half years ago, it was time for Dreamer to graduate, so he gave him his victory. In that time, he stayed away from ECW, and with him gone, Dreamer's life lost it meaning, his career its purpose, and his relationship with Beulah McGillicutty lost its foundation. He says Dreamer lost his focus and lost the girl. He says Keyser Söze once said that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he did not exist, and he tells Dreamer he exists and that he is going to be his own personal demon, as this savior has already been crucified for his sins.

Before the next match, "The Quintessential Studmuffin" Joel Gertner shows up and interviews Francine and "The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer. Gertner says he and Dreamer have had their issues in the past and that he has a lot of loathing and dislike for him, but also a certain amount of respect. He then asks about the status of Dreamer's back injury, his ability to defend the tag team titles, and the longevity - or lack thereof - of his wrestling career. Dreamer says that yesterday, he was at Wrigley Field when he saw Sammy Sosa "hit number 60," and says there is only one reason Sosa goes out and performs: the fans pay for his salary. As he watched Sosa, he pounds his fist on his heart and does it every time for the people. Dreamer than says he is sick and tired of doctors and specialists telling him what he needs to, and says he does not need any special effects of "glitzy shit" for he is Tommy Dreamer and he needs to sweat, bleed and innovate some violence in Chicago, Illinois tonight. All of a sudden, Steve Corino shows up with Rhino and Jack Victory, and trashes Dreamer for catering to the fans. He says that if Dreamer wants to bleed, he will make him bleed, and he sics Rhino on him. Dreamer makes work of Rhino, then chases Corino to the back before pushing Jack Victory by the wheelchair towards Francine, who hits Victory with a chair. Later on in the match, Rhino hits Francine with a powerslam, then Raven shows up and hits Rhino with an Evenflow DDT before getting punched by Jack Victory. Corino gets in the ring and fights Dreamer. Cornio and Victory whip Raven and Dreamer into each other, and they almost go at it before Corino and Victory get in the way again. Dreamer and Raven then hit simultaneous DDTs on both Rhino and Victory. After the match, radio shock jock Mancow Muller is seen on the aisle with Turd and Al Roker, Jr., and they follow Raven to the back.

Axl Rotten is in the ring before the next match. He says that tonight, we saw a class act and a new ECW World Heavyweight Champion in Mike Awesome. He says he may not be the best worker in the business, but he can bleed like a bitch, and he lets Awesome know that he is making a name for himself here tonight by calling him out for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship, and tells him to get in the ring if he has any balls as he wants to get extreme on his ass. All of a sudden, Lance Storm, Johnny Smith, Justin Credible, Dawn Marie and Jason show up. Storm says he appreciates that Axl wants to make his name here tonight, but says that this pay-per-view belongs to them. He says they are 2-for-2 tonight and that they are about to be 3-for-3, and tells Axl to rescind the challenge before they rescind it for him. Axl says he wants to make his mark, and doesn't want to be a mark like Storm. He says the fans are cheering "for the tits, not the talent," and if he wants to rescind something, he will rescind a clothesline to his face. Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley show up as the numbers game catches up to Axl quickly, and while Spike hits Dawn Marie with the Acid Drop, he still goes down. Balls Mahoney comes back into the ring and hits Johnny Smith in the head with a steel chair, and Lance Storm and company retreat. Axl then says they are not going out like this, and it looks like Rob Van Dam is short an opponent tonight since Johnny Smith has an extreme headache. He then calls out Bill Alfonso, and tells him to bring Rob Van Dam out to the ring to face Balls Mahoney so that he can prove to Chicago why he's the whole fucking show. Alfonso and RVD show up.

Rob Van Dam retains the ECW World Television Championship against Balls Mahoney. Both men show respect after the match.