Raw Deal - Raw recap for December 14, 1998

RAW

D-Generation X ("Triple H" Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Chyna, X-Pac, "Road Dogg" Jesse James, "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn) show up, making fun of Vince McMahon and his cornies. Triple H reprises his role of "The Crock," Road Dogg is WWF co-owner Vince McMahon, Billy Gunn is WWF co-owner Shane McMahon (and is wearing a diaper while carrying a large silver spoon), X-Pac is "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock, Chyna is "The Big Boss Man," and two midgets representing Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson are kissing "Vince's" butt wile one of them is wearing a sign advertising Brisco Brother Body Shop on their back. "Vince" says he is not an asshole, and as owner and chairperson of the WWF, he is a scholar and a gentleman, and takes great offense when people call him "a sphincter" and "a starfish." When asked how his butt tastes, the two midget "associates" say it tastes very good. "Shane" repeats what "Vince" said earlier, then says "This is a sphincter" while pulling down his diaper to show his thong-clad behind. "The Crock" tells "Shane" to pull up his pants as he doesn't want to smell what he's cooking. "Shamrock" screams, and says all the talk about sphincters is putting him "in the zone" and that "it's five knuckle shuffle time." "The Big Boss Man" gets in the center of the ring and twirls a nightstick, then "The Crock" says there's one man who is the biggest sphincter in the WWF and only one man that can take his own corporate head and stick it up his own corporate ass, and when he's not taking his own corporate head and sticking it up his own corporate ass, he's got his own two corporate lips buried deep down inside Vince McMahon's sphincter. Suddenly, Jason Sensation shows up imitating WWF Commissioner "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, saying that as WWF Commissioner he orders DX to clean up their act. He drops the basketball in his hand, and "The Crock" tells him to hold on as he is dropping the ball again. "HBK" says they can't say "sphincter" on Raw and get away with it, and if they want to know who the real ass-kisser in the WWF is, it's him, "H-B-Gay." As for why he doesn't lie down for anybody, it's because he's always bending over. He then drops the basketball again and chases it down the ramp, and "The Crock" makes fun of this fact. "H-B-Gay" then gets in the ring and says that if anyone knows about kissing sphincters, it is him. "Shamrock" yells about the talk of sphincters putting him "in the zone" and that it's "five knuckle shuffle" time. "The Crock" then thinks that "Kenny" should probably switch to decaf. DX then tells Vince McMahon and his associates to suck it, then the genuine articles arrive. The real HBK shows up with the real Rock, the real Shamrock and the real Big Boss Man, and tells DX their parodies are like a worn-out rendition of their favorite song, and to show them that he and The Corporation also have a sense of humor, he awards Road Dogg and Billy Gunn a rematch against Shamrock and The Big Boss Man with the tag team titles on the line, and when it happens, he and his men will have the last laugh. The Rock is on the stage, and tells Triple H he will "whip [his] monkey ass all over Tacoma[, Washington]" and challenges him to a non-title match, with Shawn saying that Triple H is "mid-card for life" and that "he only hangs out with world champions; he's never been one." Triple H tells The Rock that he may have been gone for a couple of months, but when he was here, he was kicking his ass every week on television, and that last time they were in the ring and The Rock had gold around his waist, he beat him for it. The Rock then tells Triple H that when that happened, Chyna helped him by hitting him with a low blow, and then suddenly changes his mind and puts the WWF Championship on the line. The Rock then makes references to Hollywood Hogan, "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, and Bret "The Hit Man" Hart before using his one of his own catch phrases.

The encore of Rock Bottom is tomorrow night on pay-per-view at 8 PM Eastern, 7 PM Central!

WWF co-owner and chairman Vince McMahon says they will take down The New Age Outlaws, then through "Triple H" and Kane. He also says there will be a few surprises.

Before the next match, Val Venis says that when you spend the night with "The Big Valbowski," you won't be sleepless in Seattle, you'll be "moanin' in Tacoma."

Val Venis and The Godfather beat The Brood (Edge and Christian) when Gangrel gets involved in the match only to get knocked off the apron by Venis. After the match, Gangrel says the next time we see The Brood, there is going to be a bloodbath.

We see the gold tumbler with all the numbers for the participants in the Royal Rumble Match backstage.

Kevin Kelly interviews "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman, who tells Owen Hart that he has been running away from him and hiding behind a mask. He plans to unmask The Blue Blazer and reveal that it is Owen Hart after all this time.

Goldust beats The Blue Blazer by disqualification after Jeff Jarrett stops Goldust from hitting the Blazer with Shattered Dreams. "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman shows up, takes down Jarrett, then unmasks the Blazer to reveal that it is Owen Hart. Jarrett covers Owen's face with his tanktop.

D-Generation X ("Triple H" Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Chyna, X-Pac, "Road Dogg" Jesse James, "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn) have a quarrel with The Rock, The Big Boss Man, "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock and WWF Commissioner "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels backstage as referees and officials try to restore order.

Before the next match, "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry - now known as "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry - says he is a lover and not a fighter, and that he is not here to fight tonight. However, he is here to tell everyone a bedtime story: what happened on his and Chyna's date. Mark says that Chyna invited him up to her room and said "Mark, I want you to slip into something a little more comfortable...my bed." He says D'Lo Brown knows, because he had the camera rolling. Henry says he considers himself a well-tuned athlete and a finely-tuned machine, but "Oh, lord, she just wore me out!"

D'Lo Brown and "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry beat The J.O.B. Squad (Bob Holly and 2 Cold Scorpio). During the match, it is announced that Mankind is the #2 choice for "Man of the Year" on Time Magazine's website. During the match, Terri Runnels - who has also showed up with Jacqueline - distracts Dwayne Gill and The Blue Meanie as Al Snow talks to Head and Jacqueline hits Holly with a top rope drop kick as the referee is preoccupied with D'Lo Brown and 2 Cold Scorpio outside of the ring.

The Big Boss Man and "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock beat The New Age Outlaws ("Road Dogg" Jesse James and "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn) to become the WWF Tag Team Champions after a distraction by WWF Commissioner "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels distracts Billy Gunn and knocks him out with Boss Man's nightstick as soon as he turns his back, allowing Ken Shamrock to lock the ankle lock in and. Gerald Briscoe, Pat Patterson and Sgt. Slaughter are seen applauding the new champions after the match.

WWF co-owners Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon show up. The tumblr with all the numbers for the Royal Rumble Match competitors to draw is in the ring. Vince says that last night left a bad taste in their mouths thanks to Mankind shoving Mr. Socko down their throats, and says Mankind will pay and hopes he pays sometime tonight. They also have a bad taste in their mouth as "Stone Cold" Steve Austin has qualified to be in the Royal Rumble Match, and asks who would have thought Kane would have been a part of the Buried Alive match tonight. He announces that Kane and Mankind are here tonight, and that they will fix their collective red wagons tonight as both men will be in a no-holds-barred match against each other tonight. Vince then announces that he and Shane will determine what position Austin will enter the Royal Rumble Match in. After spinning the tumbler, Vince draws a number, and that number is one. Austin will be the first person in the Royal Rumble match, but Shane says it's not fair that Austin is #1 and asks that they give another chance as it is the holiday season. Shane draws a number, only because it is the holiday season and that Vince has allowed him to. Just like his father, Shane draws #1, and it clearly becomes obvious that Vince and Shane have rigged the Royal Rumble tumbler to get back at Austin. Vince then announces that whoever throws Austin over the top rope at the Royal Rumble Match will collect - courtesy of one of Shane McMahon's trust funds - a $100,000 bounty. Vince then announces that they will announce another participant in the Royal Rumble Match, whose skills equal those of Austin's and is probably the only Superstar in sports entertainment who could possibly save World Championship Wrestling, but the WWF has him and he will compete for the very first time ever in the Royal Rumble Match. Shane then announces this man as none other than Vince himself. Shane draws the position that Vince will enter in, and that position is #30, making him the last person to enter the Royal Rumble Match, and Vince says there is no chance in hell that Austin will ever again become the WWF Champion. Suddenly, Mankind is seen on the TitanTron. He says that his match with Kane tonight will provide some family entertainment, but he has a better idea. Vince is the guy with the 20-inch guns and the new Superstar in the WWF, and demands Vince face him in the ring tonight, unless he suffers from an utter lack of testicular fortitude.

WWF co-owners Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon, Gerald Brisco, Pat Patterson and Sgt. Slaughter talk backstage about how dangerous Mankind is as well as the Royal Rumble match. He asks that he be allowed to think about whether or not to take Mankind's challenge on his own.

WAR ZONE

Before the next match, Jeff Jarrett says that tonight's Guitar On A Pole Match is his kind of match, as he plans to climb up the pole, grab the six-string and smash it against "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman's head, and there is nothing Blackman can do about it. As for Debra McMichael, she will not strip tonight. Debra tells Jarrett that she had such a good time last night that she just might do it again tonight.

Jeff Jarrett beats "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman in a Guitar On A Pole Match. During the match, Debra McMichael distracts Blackman by taking her top off again, allowing Jarrett to grab the guitar. Blackman sees it coming, ducks the guitar and knocks it away from Jarrett. He swings the guitar at Jarrett, but Jarrett ducks the guitar shot and kicks him in the gut. Blackman pushes Jarrett into referee Jimmy Korderas, knocking Korderas out, and Owen Hart shows up with a guitar of his own, busting it against the head of Blackman as Blackman picks up the guitar that has been dropped. Owen Hart then revives Korderas, and Jarrett gets the pinfall.

Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson head into Tiger Ali Singh's locker room, where the word "BLOODBATH" is painted in red on the wall. Singh - who wants no part in what is going on - is told by Brisco and Patterson that he has to go.

WWF co-owners Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon are seen talking backstage. Shane asks Vince if he is going to take on Mankind. Vince says he will do it, but he will do it his way, not Mankind's way.

The Seattle Seahawks football is in the front row tonight.

WWF co-owners Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon are seen in the dressing room, but as Vince takes his suit off, the cameraman is kicked out of the room.

Tiger Ali Singh is heading to the ring when the lights go dark and The Brood (Gangrel, Edge, Christian) make their presence known. Tiger Ali Singh gets out of the ring, but Gangrel is on the stage and Edge and Chrisitan is in the ring. He is quickly surrounded by all three men and beaten up, then The Brood run to the back. When the lights come back on, Tiger Ali Singh is laid out and covered in blood.

Kane is seen backstage.

We see footage from during the commercial break of two local firefighters carrying Tiger Ali Singh to the back.

During the no-holds-barred match between Kane and Mankind, WWF co-owner Vince McMahon shows up and tells Mankind that he's got his match against him, but it will be his way and not Mankind's. He tells Mankind that if he has the guts, he will see him in the parking lot for a good old-fashioned street fight. Mankind leaves the ring and follows Vince McMahon.

Orderlies are seen taking Kane into an ambulance with help from The Big Boss Man and "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock. During the break, orderlies from the insane asylum show up and try to get Kane, but Kane fight sthem off. Shamrock and The Big Boss Man rush in and double-team him under orders from WWF co-owner Shane McMahon. Kane is placed in a straitjacket and carted off on a stretcher to an ambulance after Shamrock puts Kane in an ankle lock and Boss Man smacks Kane in the back of his head with a nightstick.

Mankind and WWF co-owner are seen in a street fight in the parking lot. Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson get involved, but they get slammed into a steel door just like Vince, who is put in the Mandible Claw until The Rock shows up and puts Mankind in a Rock Bottom onto the hood of a nearby car.

The Rock retains the WWF Championship against "Triple H" Hunter Hearst Helmsley. During the match, Chyna hits The Rock with a low blow as referee Earl Hebner is trying to keep Triple H and WWF Commissioner "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels apart, but The Rock kicks out. Triple H hits The Rock with the Pedigree, but as the referee is preoccupied with Chyna, WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels hits Triple H in the back with the WWF Championship, but Triple H. As Hebner is preoccupied with Chyna, who is threatening to beat up Shawn Michaels, when a man in black with blonde hair tied up in a ponytail puts Triple H in a pump handle slam, allowing The Rock to get the win. It is then realized by commentary before the show ends that this man is Motley Crue's bodyguard from Motley Crue's performance from several weeks back.