Hardcore Heaven 1997 - The Results

As Joey Styles runs down the card for tonight's show, he is interrupted by "Ravishing" Rick Rude, who is welcomed by chants of "You sold out!" Styles is aware that Rude would destroy him when he mentions that Rude turned his back on ECW at Heatwave and hired himself out as "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michael's insurance policy in the WWF, and tells him that this interview is his before he leaves the ring. Rude tells Styles that he has mistaken him for someone who actually gives a crap about what he thinks, then asks the "fat, out-of-shape, Lauderdale losers" to button their lips, open their eyes and give their utmost respect to the next ECW World Television Champion, "No Gimmicks Needed" Chris Candido, who shows up. ECW Commissioner Todd Gordon shows up and confronts Roode for throwing away a two-year commentator contract so he could be a gun for hire, and while what he does outside of ECW is Rude's business, what he does in ECW is his business. He tells Roode that he is not a certified manager, and gives him the count of ten to leave the ring or Candido is disqualified. Rude says that two months ago, when he was Mr. Nice Guy, it was anything goes and the sky is the limit, but as soon as he wants to be himself, Gordon jerks the chain. Todd Gordon immediately begins the count, and Rude leaves just before the ten count is up. He is escorted to the back by the referees, and Rude says "Fuck you, Gordon!" on the way out.

Tazz retains the ECW World Television Championship against "No Gimmicks Needed" Chris Candido with the Tazmission from the top rope.

It is announced that ECW will return to pay-per-view on November 30th with November To Remember. We also see footage from earlier today before the show went on the air, where Insane Clown Posse (Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope) was in the ring with "Mr. Monday Night" Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso only to be laid out by Van Dam. Sabu appears and rams a chair into Shaggy's head with a springboard elbow.

Before the next match, Spike Dudley runs in, takes a steel chair and smashes it everywhere.

Bam Bam Bigelow absoluetly destroys Spike Dudley in a rematch from eight days ago, busting his head open and tossing him into the crowd before hitting an over-the-shoulder piledriver and finishing him off with the top rope moonsault. Medical staff tends to Spike Dudley quickly, and Spike Dudley's blood has to be mopped up off the ring.

It is announced that The Sandman will not be able to wrestle to a back injury suffered from Sabu and "Mr. Monday Night" Rob Van Dam, when he made the save for the Insane Clown Posse only only to have a steel chair smacked into his head by Sabu and Van Dam. Even after The Sandman is down, the carnage refuses to cease as both Van Dam and Sabu splash onto Sandman with a steel chair placed on top of his face. We then see footage of an ambulance taking The Sandman to a local hospital.

Before the next match, it is announced that Leif Cassidy's real snow Al Snow, and that Leif Cassidy was the result of what happened after "the marketing geniuses at Titan Towers stuck him in Marty Jannetty's tights" and that he is a 34-year old veteran with 15 years experience and black belts in kenpo, karate and jiu jitsu who has seen and done it all.

"Mr. Monday Night" Rob Van Dam beats Al Snow in a special attractions match contested under Monday Night Wrestling rules after a Van Daminator into a steel chair on Snow.

The Extreme Chopper is now chasing the ambulance carrying The Sandman...which is now being commandeered by The Sandman, who is now trying to make his way back to the War Memorial at Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Lance Wright reports that The Sandman has no idea where he is, and that he was at the James L. Knight Center. The Extreme Chopper will continue to keep tabs on The Sandman as best they can.

Jerry "The King" Lawler has gotten off the phone with Vince McMahon, and says this has to be the darkest day of his career for him to be here tonight. He mentions that Vince McMahon commended him for having the intestinal fortitude to show up alone, but Lawler says the WWF Superstars are with him in spirit. He says The Undertaker wants him to finish "The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dramer with a Tombstone Piledriver. Bret "The Hit Man" Hart has called him to tell him to put him in the Sharpshooter, while "Stone Cold" Steve Austin has given him permission to open a can of whupass on Dreamer.

The Dudleys (Buh Buh Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Big Dick Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley), "The Quintessential Studmuffin" Joel Gertner and Wicked Pictures porn actress Jenna Jameson are in the ring as Gertner introduces the Dudleys and makes fun of referee John Finnegan for being bald. He announces that The Gangstas (New Jack and Mustafa) cannot make it tonight due to injury, and they are replaced by USWA Tag Team Champions PG-13 (J.C. Ice and Wolfie Day). J.C. Ice calls The Dudleys' mom a ho because they're "all mixed up," tells Buh Buh Ray that he's so fat that he has to make two trips when he has to haul ass, says Joel Gertner looks like Elvis right before he died and invited Jenna Jameson to his hotel room at the Days Inn after the match if she wants to "ditch the zero and get with the hero."

The Dudleys (Buh Buh Ray and D-Von Dudley) retain the ECW World Tag Team Championships against PG-13 (J.C. Ice and Wolfie D). After the match, J.C. Ice tells The Dudleys may have won the match, but their mother is still a ho.

Lance Wright reports from the Extreme Chopper, which is still following The Sandman, who is still driving the ambulance and is still lost despite buying a carton of cigarettes and an alcoholic beverage at a gas station.

The lights go out and come back on, and Jerry "The King" Lawler is in the ring when they come back on. He tells the people watching from home "who have more money than they have brains" and tells them to watch In Your House: Groud Zero on September 7th where they can see real superstars like Bret "The Hit Man" Hart, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and The Undertaker instead of "some dope-headed derelicts like the ones you got here." Before he left the WWF, every Superstar told him they admired him coming to "Hardcore Hell" and taking on the ECW single-handedly before once again insisting that Bret, Austin and 'Taker finish off "The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer with their own finishers. He then calls Dreamer "a ball-less wonder" and tells him to come out here and get his ass whipped.

"The Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer beats Jerry "The King" Lawler. During the match, the referee is rammed into the corner and knocked out by Lawler. Then, the lights out, and when they come back on, Rick Rude smashes a trash can into Dreamer's head. Dreamer still kicks out after the pinfall, which the referee is barely able to count. The lights go off again, then come back on, and this time Jake "The Snake" Roberts is in the ring. He hits Dreamer with a lariat, then hits him with a DDT. Roberts then says towards the camera "Your god giveth and then taketh away. My god giveth, but he ain't got the balls to do anything else." Lawler extends his hand only to be hit with a lariat as well, yet Lawler falls onto Dreamer and Dreamer still kicks out of the pinfall attempt before Roberts claps and leaves. Dreamer goes for a DDT, then the lights go out for a third time. When the lights come back on this time, Sunny is in the ring, and sprays Tommy in the eyes with hairspray. Beulah McGillicutty attacks Sunny from behind, but Lawler gets her hands on her. He is about to piledriver her, but Tommy has a chair. Lawler uses Beulah as a human shield, but Tommy misses with the chair and Beulah kicks Lawler in the groin before focusing on Sunny. Dreamer then hits the Dreamer DDT on Lawler for the win.

Lance Wright reports from the Extreme Chopper again. This time, The Sandman finds his way to the War Memorial. He gets out of the ambulance and swings his Singapore cane at police officers.

Before the next match, Francine tries to pay off Terry Funk to work with Shane Douglas, but Funk refuses the money by knocking it out of her hands.

"The Franchise" Shane Douglas beats Sabu and Terry Funk in a Three-Way Dance to win the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. During the match, Bill Alfonso tries to help Sabu put Terry Funk through a table by punching Funk in the head, but ECW Commissioner Tod Gordon shows up and punches out Alfonso before choking him out. Shane Douglas grabs Gordon and headbutts him before placing Gordon on the table. Funk places Alfonso on top of Gordon, then Sabu hits a leg drop through the table, sending both men through it. Referee John Finegan gets knocked out as Sabu places a ladder in the corner, and The Sandman finally shows up, using the ladder against Sabu as he he gets revenge for putting him in the hospital at the beginning of the show. Police officers hold The Sandman back, then Sabu leaps off a chair onto the top rope and into The Sandman and the police officers, taking them all out with a springboard dive. Referees, officials and even other wrestlers - even some that weren't on the card - help keep Sandman and Sabu apart. then stick around to see the end of the match. As this all happens, Sabu is pinned, guaranteeing a new ECW World Heavyweight Champion after the match. Dory Funk, Jr. shows up as Francine slaps Terry Funk while Douglas holds him back, and he levels both of them before leaving the ring before chasing Francine to the back. Douglas finally wins it by hitting a belly-to-belly suplex until Funk can't kick out in time. After the match, Francine scurries back into the ring, takes the title, and she and Douglas proceed to whip Funk with the belt before the crowd chants "Bullshit!" Francine and Douglas continue to attack Funk, then "The Quintessential Studmuffin" Joel Gertner and The Dudleys (Buh Buh Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Big Dick Dudley) get in the ring and reminds Douglas he was his personal ring announcer, then tells him to dump his "moderately successful" tag team partners and join him and The Dudleys to create the new Triple Threat. Bam Bam Bigelow and Chris Candido show up, and Douglas, Bigelow and Candido fight the Dudleys. The officials, referees and wrestlers that stuck around until the end get in the ring to break it up. The Triple Threat (Douglas, Bigelow, Candido) leave The Dudleys annihilate everyone else. Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten rush to the ring with steel chairs, but The Dudleys still overpower them. Terry Funk gets up, but he doesn't fare any better. All of a sudden, The Gangstas' music hits, and New Jack and John Kronus rush in, tossing a trash can full of weapons into the ring and raise hell on The Dudleys. Perry Saturn hobbles to the ring on crutches as quickly as he can. Big Dick Dudley choke slams New Jack and Kronus, but Perry Saturn hits the Bubba Cutter on Big Dick despite having only one good leg, and hits a top rope elbow on Buh Buh Ray. New Jack is seen on the fan cam hitting D-Von in the knee with a chain, and Kronus hits a twisting splash on Big Dick before Axl Rotten hits Buh Buh with a chair and Kronus hits D-Von with a frog splash. After New Jack busts a wooden crutch on the back of D-Von and Kronus hits a somersault leg drop on Buh Buh Ray, the Dudleys are finally out of the ring, but Gertner is back in. He is quickly surrounded and gets nailed, and New Jack hits Gerner in the head with the steel chair before Kronus hits Gerner with the 450 splash to end the show. New Jack celebrates in the ring while Terry Funk, John Kronus, Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney celebrate in the crowd.