Earlier today, Kevin Owens was outside the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. He makes fun of sports and says he doesn't follow them, but he still knows "that the Lakers suck" even though everyone still grovels over them and calls Magic Jordan "Magic Jackson" when referring to the Magic statue outside of the arena, which he is standing in front of them. He then says he will make tonight "The Kevin Owens Show" and retain the Intercontinental Championship against Ryback as he proves that he is "the King of Los Angeles."
It is announced that nobody will be allowed at ringside for the Divas Championship rematch between Nikki Bella and Charlotte.
Neville, Cesaro and Dolph Ziggler beat Rusev, Sheamus and King Barrett.
The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley) are in the social media lounge. They have no remorse for putting Xavier Woods through a table, especially after he cost them the tag team titles on two separate occasions. They plan to become ten-time tag team champions tonight.
John Cena shows up to start the show proper. He goes straight to the open challenge for the WWE United States Championship...which is answered by...Zeb Colter? Zeb Colter is back, this time in a Hoveround, and announces Cena's challenger, whom he says will do more with the title than even Cena has ever had: Alberto Del Rio, who hasn't been seen in WWE for over a year.
Alberto Del Rio beats John Cena to win the WWE United States Championship!
Seth Rollins meets up with Triple H and Stephanie McMahon backstage. As soon as he talks about how he doesn't want to live in a world with Kane in power as Director of Operations, Kane shows up. Rollins tells Kane to cut the crap. Kane wishes Seth Rollins luck tonight.
Roman Reigns beats Bray Wyatt in a Hell In A Cell match after sending Wyatt eye-first into a kendo stick stuck in the turnbuckles and hits the Spear.
Kofi Kingston thanks the fans for all their support, and says that Xavier Woods would play a song of gratitude if he were here right now. Big E makes fun of the Los Angeles Lakers before saying the trombone is all that is left of Woods and that trombone players mourn his loss. They then plede to play drums on The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley) "like a Caucasian Kamala."
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E) retain the WWE Tag Team Championships against The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley) after Kofi tries to trick the referee into giving The New Day a win by disqualification after making it look like Bubba Ray hit him with Xavier's trombone a la Eddie Guerrero. It doesn't work, and the Dudleys have the match won until Big E gets D-Von out of the way by using the trombone as a weapon behind the referee's back and Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on Bubba Ray.
Charlotte retains the WWE Divas Championship against Nikki Bella after reversing a Rack Attack into a Figure Eight. Paige and Becky Lynch rush out to celebrate Charlotte's victory after the match.
Survivor Series - 25 Years of Undertaker - takes place November 22nd.
Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns celebrate Roman's win backstage.
Bill Simmons and Seth Green are in the crowd tonight.
Seth Rollins retains the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against Demon Kane after reversing a choke slam into a Pedigree. As per the pre-match stipulation, Corporate Kane is relieved of his duties as Director of Operations.
Kevin Owens retains the WWE Intercontinental Championship against Ryback after grabbing the top rope to evade Shell Shocked.
Brock Lesnar beats The Undertaker in a bloody and destructive Hell In A Cell match after a low blow and an F5 on the exposed wood of a ring with its mat ripped open. After the match, 'Taker is somehow able to get up under his own power, and Brock Lesnar stumbles to the floor once on his way out. Before 'Taker can close the show, The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, Erick Rowan, Braun Strowman) shows up and surround Undertaker before attacking him. After the beating, the fearsome foursome carry 'Taker to the back to end the show.
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